Staying Married

Note: Do remember that “Work” by economic definition, is a bad – you get paid to do it. Hence I have taken unhappiness to be directly correlated to the amount of work you do. Women throw up a convoluted inverse result.

Recently on the radio I heard the DJs discussing a study done in Australia that researched the reasons behind successes and failures of marriages. The gist of the study (as they mentioned it on air) was that for a marriage to succeed, the woman must be happier than the man. If the woman is unhappy, she will press for a divorce. If a man is unhappy he will take solace in all the marriage-is-a-sentence type of wisdom.

I felt as a married man with two kids I had the experience to delve into this claim. I know it is very much like saying that since I have taken a flight, I am an expert on what makes an airplane fly, but I shall ignore that for the time being.

Let's look at the facts in light of the theory stated above.

a. I am married.

b. My wife has not instituted divorce proceedings yet.

c. It follows then that my wife must be the happier party in this arrangement. Which is good. So the next time we have one of our regular free and frank exchange of views, I can bring this theory up to prove that she is happier.

d. This also implies that I am the unhappier party in the arrangement. There is a fundamental issue with all "-ier" words, a part of their soul, irremediable. They are like see-saws. If one side goes up, the other side by definition goes down. For my wife it would be but a matter of a moment to make this leap of logic. Which is bad. For me.

Over the years I have seen that a major reason why my wife is happier in the marriage is that I am happier. I know. This goes against the basic tenets of the aforementioned "-ier" words. But then women's logic inhabits a different universe where normal laws known to man fail.

I do not profess to having mapped out even very rudimentarily (decoded more like it) the labyrinthine processes of the female mind, but I have tried to understand their pursuit of happiness at least.

In a nutshell, Wives tend to be happier if they feel they are pulling more that their weight in the union. And doing all that work tends to make them seemingly unhapp-ier (The normal Work is a bad logic).

Say, for instance, you turned into superman and managed to do all that was in your assigned to-do list and even managed to keep pace with the additions.

So you changed the kitchen light bulb, you hung up the picture, you took the kids to the park for a playdate that you fixed, you paid all the bills, you updated the expenses sheet and made it tally, you repaired the creaky drawer, you checked the air in the car tyres, you convinced all the wires in the house to be more discreet, you disposed of the old laptop, you got the groceries and also got the four things she SMS-ed once you were in the check-out queue.

It would make you unhappy as you’d be pooped.

It would make your wife feel unhappy.

Because (for example) you didn't spend any time with her.

This was not on the list. There are things not on the list. These things are generally more important that the things on the list. These things are to be known.

So, my proposal is that if you did everything on the list, you would have no time whatsoever to do anything (even if by accident) that was not on the known list. While as long as you have a to-do list of substance, the wife keeps herself involved, pushing you, coaching you, cajoling you and has less time to dwell on the list of things-you-ought-to-know-that-I-will-not-disclose.

Wives are highly competitive by nature. They will get you to do stuff. They will chase you for stuff, they like the challenge you pose, like an angler reeling in a prize fish. That’s what keeps them involved. If I did all I was supposed to and more, there is a very tangible danger of her losing interest.

So if I choose to watch a full day's cricket on a Saturday, it is because I love my wife and would not like to risk her walking out on me.