Marriage Political System

Recently I met an old friend of mine for lunch. He is single. "How is it to be married?" Ice asked me.

"It's good," I replied, not really thinking of  where this conversation could head to.

"Hmmm...What do you do?" He continued, "In this marriage thing?"

"Well, we do things, together."

What 'things'? He asked.

"Things, you know, like watching movies, going shopping, attending weddings, funerals, those sort of things. Everything, actually." I said.

"Hmmm...Where do you fit in in this whole system of a marriage? What is your role in it?" Ice is a persistent bugger with a slightly disconcerting habit of preceding his sentences with a drawn out 'hmmm...' which makes an innocuous conversation between friends seem like a serious interview with the headmaster about the hole found in the girls' toilet window.

"I fit right in" I waded in, "You know, doing things, together, staying together, spending time together, taking care of the kids...What do you mean by the question 'Where do you fit in?'" I asked. It was a bit strange this 'Where do you fit in business.' No one had asked me earlier.

"As in if a marriage is a company, where do you fit in, what do you do? Are you the CEO or the CFO or the salesperson...what are you?"

Being married has given me a keen survival instinct. I realized instantly the import of this line of questioning. The fact that I could not readily provide an answer meant that in all probability this is a question that could pop up any time in the frequent debating exercises that are an integral part of every marriage. I needed a good answer.

Of course, it also told me that there was no immediate danger of Ice giving up his 'single' status.

I figured the easiest thing to do was to build upon the example of marriage as a business firm that Ice had suggested. I launched the quest for a definition by undertaking a primary research exercise. A census of all wives in households I had immediate access to yielded a dead end. "You would be fired in a month if this were a business firm" is a direct quote from the voice of client that was collected. Maybe a business firm would be too simplistic for an entity as complex as a marriage. Maybe I needed to consider a political system instead - after all systems of government have a lot more variety on offer. This brought me to a crucial question:

What system would a marriage most resemble?

Let's consider the major systems of government that we have nowadays. There is the Monarchy that has been quite popular in the history of mankind. Then we have republican democracy and finally a communist or an authoritarian dictatorship. These systems account for most of the prevailing or historical governments that the world has seen. How does marriage fit in?

I started with the process of elimination.

Traditionally, Monarchy was the most prevalent system of governance. The ruler had control over life and death within the kingdom.

My experience says that if a man likens his marriage to a Monarchy where he is the King-Emperor, it is safe to assume that either (a) he is not married or (b) he is drunk or (c) that he is both. It is equivalent to the husband using a bed sheet as a cape to entertain the children when the wife is away and actually believing himself to be superman:

"Look papa can lift up both of you together!" does not in any way translate into "No I don't care if you don't like the music system wires, I will not hide them."

Forget control over life and death, the most you can do it extend the time you spend in the loo by a couple of minutes. And even that feels like a major victory.

Monarchy, while a system of immense merit in this particular case is sadly not in existence. It has gone the way of the dinosaurs - giving rise to a lot of fantasy, but all that remains to be seen actually is a few ossified remains.

Next,  look at a Democratic Republic of Marriage. The canny student of political affairs would at once realize that there are two scenarios possible with our proposed DRM (Democratic Republic of Marriage). One, we can take this at face value that it really is a Democratic Republic. The second would be a real world scenario where a Democratic Republic is almost always an Authoritarian Dictatorship. These two systems account for most of the prevailing systems of government in the world today.

Unfortunately though, both systems do not pass muster for marriage.

Take Democracy for marriage: only two voters in a bi-party system, both with quite distinct agendas and only one with definite veto powers. You can well imagine what would happen in such a case - an impasse never to be broken till the husband gives in, three minutes later. Hence the case for marriage being a Democratic Republic is a weak one at best - although we'd do well to remember that in the real world the Democratic Republic of Marriage would most likely be an authoritarian dictatorship, which is our next case.

Marriage as an authoritarian dictatorship - popular opinion seems to suggest that we are getting warmer - still doesn't fit well enough. The first flaw in this argument is the freedom that one is allowed - for instance, you are reading this blog, published under my own name, without fear of reprisals. Freedom of speech or the lack of the same, most authorities agree is what is key to making a government an authoritarian dictatorship. Marriage fails this test. Mostly folks are free to say what they want as long as the instructions are followed, however grudgingly. Mere voicing of sentiment, done respectfully will not result in one being sent to the gulag of the living-room couch.

One system that I think seems to fit a marriage pretty well is that of a Constitutional Monarchy. I am, for all intents and purposes the Monarch of All I survey. I am installed for life. I require no special talents for the position. All I need to do is to follow the script, turn up on time and be able to drive and change light bulbs.

My wife is the popular Prime Minister. She runs the show. All decisions are taken in her office, including those concerning the foreign policy. My only duty is to agree with them, publicly and privately. It is an arrangement that works extremely satisfactorily.

I had finally found a way to explain the marriage scenario to an external, uninvolved party as well as an internal, very much involved party if (when) the need arose. I toasted the finding with a drink.

Author's note: The need arose a few days after this finding was uncovered. My wife gave me a simple answer to the question "What did I do in the marriage?" after she had herself asked me the same question in our last tete-a-tete. Apparently the correct answer is 'Nothing'.